Dear Hypothetically Gay Offspring

In response to John Kinnear’s Dear Hypothetically Gay Son, here is my own letter to my hypothetically gay offspring.

I had a boyfriend who told me he saw himself as the liberal parent figure, the one my daughter would come out of the closet to. Good. I would want a husband who my children can open up to. I just want to say that I’ll be just as open.

My love,

Thank you for your honesty. It finally makes sense why you dug up Lady Gaga’s old albums; I haven’t heard ‘Born This Way’ since I was twenty. Thank you for making me feel old.

Indeed, you were born this way. Let me clarify now and have it penned forever, that I am proud to have given birth to you, whether you be gay, straight, pan-sexual, non-sexual, eleven-fingered or hunchbacked. Your father and I love you now, we love you always, we love you forever.

Your sexual orientation changes nothing. You still have to clean your room, practice piano, do your homework, hang out with your friends, wash the dishes, enjoy Sundays with us, be good to your sibling, keep your door open when you have company, and chase your dreams. What matters to me and your father is that you grow into a decent human being who cares about your fellow global citizens, who contributes to society’s betterment, who respects the environment, who works hard to achieve dreams, who puts family first, who does what is right.

Who you are attracted to should not matter to anyone else but yourself. (We trust that you practice good judgement on whom you choose to spend your time with.) No one should be labelled for one aspect of themselves and be rejected for it. You have more to offer than your sexuality; let that be your guide on how you relate with people.

Unfortunately, others may feel differently. Do not let their ignorance bother you. Correct them on factual mistakes, state your beliefs, forgive their offences. You are human, you are strong, you are beautiful, and you are whole. Flaunt your strengths at the nay-sayers. There is nothing more satisfying than angering people because you are too awesome to care about the shallowness of their minds.  If you face tougher times, know that I am here for you. Your whole family will defend you and ensure your safety always. I am your mother, and I assure you that hell hath no fury like a mother scorned. I would detail what I would do for you, but I do not want to turn this letter into riveting tale of horror.

Because this letter serves only one purpose: to remind you of what truly matters. You, as a whole person, matter.

I am sorry if even for a split second between the time you’ve known yourself to be gay and now, I have ever slighted your orientation, knowingly or not, and made you feel as if some detail about you matters more than your whole wonderful person. I am sorry if I ever gave you an inkling that I would not accept you for who you are. I am sorry if realizing you’re gay has caused you any pain or self-doubt (it shouldn’t have).

Everyday you make me proud to be your mother. Be good, love, and do good. That is what matters.



What would you say to your hypothetically/really gay child?

4 Comments on “Dear Hypothetically Gay Offspring

    • Out of joy, I presume? Then — it feels weird to say this — I’m glad I made you cry! Thank you for liking my letter and for your comment.

      • It moved me in a way that I wished all children could hear your words, because I know many stories where the children were devastated. :)

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